My mother used to say that “rich people have property, poor people have children.” Many a pundit on the right will speak of the “richness of love” that children bring, particularly in the heat of an argument about the abortion rights. This line of argument tends to bring more heat than light, and serves merely to ramp the rancor to such a degree that both sides end up heavily fortified in their respective positions completely disclaiming anything that the other side has to offer of value.

No matter where you stand on the abortion rights spectrum, and it is certainly a spectrum, not matter how much both sides try to portray it as a simple, either or proposition, the issues that are being dealt with, are life changing for all involved. Which is why I am so disappointed at the intellectual dishonesty that occurs on both sides of the debate.

On the Pro-Choice side, I believe it is intellectually dishonest to say that the only life that is effected by an abortion is that of the mother. Patently that is false. It takes at least two to make a baby, and certainly the father has some rights in this debate, since he clearly will have responsibilities should the pregnancy go full term. Since we will require of him 18 years worth of child support, it seems to me, that he has an interest in this pregnancy.

On the Pro-Life side, it is equally as dishonest to say that every life counts, but we shouldn’t be teaching how that life comes to be, or providing the means to prevent it from accidentally occurring. If one truly believes that every life should be saved, then we should be making sure that every life is a wanted life, coming into this world with a set of parents that are at least desirous of the child, if not prepared.

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Child custody lawyers hear it all the time, “I hate my son’s mom - she’s a liar, cheat, thief, and a slut.” We get to hear all the ugly tales of how two people “hooked up” for a night, and now it’s a lifetime commitment of fatherhood with a woman you didn’t really know, and don’t really like. 

“She takes the child support I pay and gets her hair and nails done, and my kid is going without new shoes.” Yup, it’s an old story. Mom only wants the money you pay, for herself.

Sometimes.

Raising a child is expensive, and most child support doesn’t really cover all the high costs of child rearing. But, once a man has “hooked up” with a woman, and she’s pregnant, he’s on the hook for child support, and how she uses it, is her choice.

Moms Don’t Have To Account For Child Support - Dads Do!

No court will make her account for how she spends it. It’s only in the rare cases, like in Kirk Kerkorian’s child support battle, where the lifestyle of the mom, influences how much money dad pays. In Kerkorians case, mom was trying to get as much as possible from the billionaire, and claiming that the child had to have hundreds of thousands of dollars a year in support, which was absurd when she was a toddler.

But some moms think of dads as living ATMs, and there is really only one way to fight this, a father needs to have as much custodial time as possible if he wants to reduce the amount of child support he will have to pay. 

The sad facts are that, once a man has made a woman pregnant, he has a responsibility to the child, not necessarily the mom. He has to account for, and be able to prove all the payments he’s made, she doesn’t have to account for how she spends it.

As a father, men have  a role to play in their children’s lives, and the courts recognize it, and it goes beyond just paying child support. Men as dads should be a positive force in their child’s life.