Sometimes when a spouse wanders and cheats, they bring home more than a smile, and when that happens, it’s a dead giveaway that they’ve been cheating.  Finding out your spouse is a tramp is bad enough, but when you get a sexually transmitted disease ( an STD) to boot, it really makes you angry. One woman decided to sue her ex for $25,000,000 yes, 25 MILLION DOLLARS!  Most cases are not that juicy, but if you want to read up on it, check out this article I’m quoted in at DIVORCE360.COM.

THE CAREER TRAP FOR MEN

             “Men always take it in the shorts, in court” – this is a very common sentiment among the husbands and fathers who are entering into the arena of battle called Family Court. It is an extremely unfamiliar playground for most men, because the rules of the game run contrary to what we as young boys are taught.

            As a child, a boy is taught to be tough, don’t let your emotions show, and conquer the other side with overwhelming strength. In the adult world of business and careers, those are exactly the skills that one needs to succeed.

            As a new husband and father, men are taught to be a good provider, which means to bring home a big paycheck to buy a big home, to pay for daycare and after-school activities like gymnastics, ballet, little league and soccer. This drive for career success provides men with a sense of accomplishment as they become the stereotype of ‘American Dad’.

            Then the divorce comes. Custody battles start, and the fight over money to support the child begins.

            This is where most men lose the battle before they even go into court. Not because the court is inherently against them, but because they don’t know the rules, and more importantly the goal of the game. [click to continue...]

Here’s a quote from me in an article on Divorce360.com:

“Lawyers are supposed to act as buffers between their clients. If I have a cooperative relationship with the opposing counsel, I get the best results for the client with least amount of cost,” said David Pisarra, 41, practicing family law attorney of 10 years, who heads the Santa Monica, Calif. law office of Pisarra and Grist. “If the other side just wants to battle, it creates acrimony. And that acrimony is counterproductive. What we are tying to do is split up their stuff and work with issues of custody and support of the kids. It doesn’t facilitate that at all if I don’t trust the other lawyer or get papered to death.”   

The full article is here:

http://www.divorce360.com/articles/696/warring-divorce-lawyers.aspx

Trying to be an island of calm is not always easy, particularly when the other side really wants to burn through their clients fees, and then make your client contribute, because “he makes more money” - an opinion I have heard far too often.

NEVER PAY OFF THE DEBT BEFORE THE DIVORCE!!! 

            When it comes to strategy most men are really good at figuring out when to hold a poker hand, or call a Hail Mary in football. We spend hours talking about what works, what doesn’t and why. Men can spend all afternoon on a boat, with a six pack, talking about how to beat the casinos in Vegas, but when it comes to planning a divorce they clam up and what little instincts we have are usually wrong. A man will tend to do what he thinks is the “right thing” to do, and frequently it is the wrong thing to do, when you are going through a divorce.

            A common occurrence among the men who come to our office is that, they have just recently paid off all the debt. Sometimes they have refinanced their home and used an equity line on their home to get a lower interest rate on their credit card debt, and paid off their soon to be ex-wife’s credit cards.

            These are good things to do, if you are planning on staying married, but they are huge mistakes when it comes to the strategy of planning for a divorce. [click to continue...]

I was quoted in another Divorce360.com article, “8 Budgeting Tips during Divorce”:

Critical records like your will, birth certificate, passport, 401(k) statements and tax returns, should be stored in a safe and easily accessible spot, such as a safe. Keeping things neat and clean is crucial for divorcing couples. “Make copies of everything related to financial issues,” said Santa Monica-based family law attorney David Pisarra. “When couples split up, bills are no longer jointly paid so if you are contemplating a divorce it’s critical to acknowledge the financial components that come along with it.”  

In my Family Law Handbook, which you can download as a free PDF at www.mensfamilylaw.com, I explain further what to prepare for, and how get ready for a pending divorce. The short version is 1) Stockpile cash in a safe place, 2) Take the Documents you’ll need - it’s always easier to give the other side copies, than try to get them to give you copies.